When someone asks you to do something you don’t really want to or don’t have time for, how good are you at saying no? I hate to admit how bad I am at this. So I figure, I need to keep teaching it. Teach it till you know it!

In this video I give four steps to starting to master the tricky art of knowing how much you want to give, saying YES only when you want to, and being ok when people are pissed that you said NO.

I’ve included the 4 steps below for you to refer back to as you watch the video. These steps will also be in my resources section very soon.

These steps are not hard. What’s hard is applying it to your life. It takes a lot of courage!!! Please find a friend to practice with. Make it a game. How many times can you say no this week? When did you say YES and really meant it and loved it? Set some goals and stay in touch with each other about it.

Build your uncompromising community.

With uncompromising love,

Niko

4 Steps to Interrupt the Habit of Saying Yes When You Mean No

Friendships * Sex life * Parenting * Co-parenting * Your relationship with your kids * School - your school or your kid’s schools  *  Your work + career *  Your Spiritual community * Exercise * Body * Money + finances * Sleep * Health + food

STEP 1:

1. Circle any life areas above where you are giving more than you want to give.
2. Circle any life areas above where you are saying yes but you actually mean no.

STEP 2:

Look at each area of your life that you circled and answer the following questions;

1. Must you give what you are giving in order to survive? If yes, now is not the time to focus on not giving it. Cross it off and move to the next area you circled.
2. What’s the benefit of saying YES or giving this? What do you get out of it?
3. What would the benefit of saying NO or not giving it be? What would you achieve?

STEP 3:

1. Is there an area of your life that you circled where the benefit of saying NO clearly outweighs the benefit of saying YES? # 3 above, outweighs #2 above?
2. If so, put a star next to this and we are going to practice being joyfully uncompromising in that area!

STEP 4: 

1. Selectone of the areas you starred in STEP: 3 and say NO or readjust how much you are giving to align with how much you really want to give.
2. You may have to rescind an offer you already made. That’s OK.

BUT HOW? My best advice is to tell the ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

Tell on yourself. Here are some examples for how this can look:

“I told you I was going to be able to do ___________, upon further thought, I’m no longer going to be able to do that. I apologize for any inconvenience this causes you.”

(Only apologize once! More on this later.)

If you feel so inclined to explain further - here are some examples of what else you might say:

I said yes, because:

• I really like you, but I have over committed in my life right now
• I want to seem like the kind of Mom who is involved but I am really an introvert
• I want to come but I also want to get enough sleep so I don’t yell at my kids because I’m tired
• I want to be available to you all the time as a coach/consultant/employee, but I’m actually most creative/productive/effective when I have enough time to focus/sleep/reflect